His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
