Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
