Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
