just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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