roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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