If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
