I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
