lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
