Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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