I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
