at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
