and you said cock pushups were impossible
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
