Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
