He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
