maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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