Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
