Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
