I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
