I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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