the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
When are your genitals available?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
