I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
