I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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