Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Randomize
