I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
