Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
