dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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