we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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