he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
