college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Even my vagina gasped.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
