New invention idea: vibrating tampons
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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