remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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