Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
