I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
