why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
