Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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