You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
