I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
