Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
We were destined to go to rehab together
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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