I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
