Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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