nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
