You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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