I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
