Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
