her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
