Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
