Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
