today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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