You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
