He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
