I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
