I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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